I have started Session One of your Real Beauty Sessions this morning and I am struggling with some of it. What I want to achieve is to be happy. I don’t know what I want most. I know my life isn’t how I want it to be but I don’t know what I want to replace it with… So I don’t really have a goal or steps to achieve it.
I just don’t know how to answer most of the questions.
I’m sorry to have bothered you.
Have a nice day.
Brenda (name has been changes to protect privacy)
Thanks so much for reaching out to me. It’s wonderful to connect with you. Let’s break down your email line by line so we can get to the heart of some of the issues you’re struggling with.
You: What I want is to be happy?
Me: Great Brenda, sounds like you do have a goal then yes? Okay, so you want to be happy. Let’s explore this place a little. I’d encourage you to write out your answers to the following questions:
O When you say ‘happy’ what vision comes to mind?
O What would happy feel like for you on an everyday basis? In other words: how might you be spending your time each day in order to feel happy? (write out exactly what you think you ‘d love to be doing)
O What are some of the things that are blocking you right now from being / feeling happy?
(hint: sometimes what’s blocking us from being happy are the thoughts we are having, the perspective we are holding, the ‘way’ we think things need to be in order for us to be happy. Often times we hold the belief that there is a pre-requisite to being happy. “when I lose 20 pounds I’ll let myself be happy, when I discover my purpose in life, then I’ll be happy” etc)
List out here the exact thoughts you are having that are blocking happiness?
What are some of the exact behaviors / habit / patterns you have that are blocking you from feeling happy? List them out.
You: I don’t know what I want most.
Me: It’s okay that you don’t know yet what you want most. Try not to beat yourself up over this or spend too much time worrying about not knowing, but rather begin to allow yourself to experiment and try new things. Give yourself permission to go on the journey to figure some of this out. Often times we get so hard on ourselves because we haven’t arrived where we want to be or we don’t feel the way we most want to feel in our life, or that we don’t even know where to start, and this “being hard on ourselves” leaves us stuck in the mud. We’re spinning our wheels frustrated, angry and sad that our life doesn’t feel better and we don’t even realize that “the being hard on ourselves” in the mud. In other words, it’s going to be a million times more challenging to be happy, to know what you want to do next in your life if you’re trapped in the mud being mad at yourself. So, a big part of your ‘work’ here is practicing self-compassion and giving yourself a break. Nothing good can come from making yourself feel bad.
Figuring out who you are and what you want most is a process of trial and error; it requires trying new things, to allow yourself to follow your curiosity, and to be willing to step a little outside your comfort zone. Most of all it requires a ton of patience. You have to be willing to slow down and respect the journey.
You: I know my life isn’t how I want it to be but I don’t know what I want to replace it with.
Me: Knowing that your life isn’t how you want it to be is a great start. Use this. Here’s what I mean. When what’s not working in your life is just as valuable as knowing what is. If you can begin to slowing let go of whatever’s not working or making you feel bad, you begin to make room for what’s going to make you feel better. As one of my colleagues always says, “If it’s not a hell YES, then it’s a hell NO!”
So, here’s where to start:
O List out exactly what’s not working. What’s making you feel bad? What’s causing stress, weighing you down, keeping you stuck etc.
Often times we can’t see clearly how we want things to be until we STOP doing the things that are NOT feeling good.
If you’re serious about wanting the life you really want, you have to begin creating real space in your life for the good stuff to show up, and the beautiful irony here is: often times we don’t get the ‘good’ stuff until we stop doing the ‘bad’ stuff.
This doesn’t always require a gigantic shift, you can begin to make small changes ie: begin saying ‘no’ to things that just don’t feel right, give yourself more space to do some things you might enjoy. Go slow. Test out the experience of letting go.
Don’t worry about where its all going to lead or what exactly you should replace it with. Just focus your energy on stopping what doesn’t feel good.
You: I’m sorry to have bothered you.
Me: This statement tells me a great deal about your relationship with yourself right now.
Why are you sorry? Why do you think you’re bothering me?
I’m pointing this out because it tells me a lot about how much (or how little) you value yourself, and how worthy you think you are of moving your life in a different direction. If you need help in your life you should ask for help, from me or anyone else you feel good give you the knowledge and support you need. NOBODY lives a great life by trying to figure everything out by themselves. Successful and happy people ask for help ALL THE TIME without apology or seeing it as a weakness.
I think this is a great place for you to explore because the quality of your whole life comes down to how worthy you feel you are of having what you really want. And as long as you’re holding onto even the tiniest amount of the belief that “maybe you don’t deserve” to have what you want, or to get the help you need, then I’m afraid you’ll never know how great your life can be.
You are worthy of EVERYTHING you desire. And when you begin to really live from this place you become much more able to gain control over the quality of your life.
I would encourage you to continue on with these sessions and fill them in in any way that feels right for you. That is, if you don’t feel that you can answer the questions a certain way, no biggie, just journal on what’s coming up for you. Each session is a different theme, so some will feel easier than others. But all of these questions will begin to help you make sense of where you are now with yourself and what it is you truly desire.
I hope this helps.
I’m excited for all the possibility that exists for you to really change your life.
Please reach out again if there’s anything you need. xo Lori
I hope this email exchange was useful to you.
If you have any additional questions about how to apply any of the strategies I mentioned above to your own life OR if you’d like my advice on something else that’s stressing you out, please join my FREE LIVE Call on Wednesday, April 2nd at 2P EST.
If you’d like to learn more about my online course, The Real Beauty Sessions, you can check it out here. I lowered the price to $20, to make it easier for you to say yes to this experience.
You deserve to have the life you truly long for. Please reach out if I can help.
lori [at] realbeautyis [dot] com